Friday, 27 June 2014

Surviving High School!

Hi Dolls,

The other day I was watching a video from an Australian YouTuber talking about her experience with High School and how she got through it when I was watching it I was thinking to myself this girl was in the popular crowd yes she had some hard times but she was still excepted that sounds nothing like a lot of girls and boys have to deal with on a daily basis going through school so I thought that I would talk about my experience.
I in no way have had the worst experience it was bad but I know people who have had worse but anything can help when you are facing torment every day.

I went the a public school both Primary and Secondary School I was outcasted and made to feel I was ugly or weird or a loser no one would give me the time to be friends or get to show people what I was really like.  I went through Primary School without any friends only a couple of times did I have a friend and that did not last long at all. Once I was invited to a sleepover party of one of the popular girls and once the night went on I realised I was there for their entertainment I got chased around the house with a knife and told if I fell asleep they would hurt me or make me wet the bed you can guess that I was terrified but I was too frightened to phone home because of what they would do to me at school.
That is a glimpse into the way the people I went to school were like.
So the thought of High School gave me a little hope that I could start a fresh and have people who haven't ever met me give me the time of day but I was wrong.

I was placed into a class that you could say was the class they shove people when they can't be controlled when my parents questioned why I was in this class all the said was we need to balance it out with quieter students so of course this did not help with trying to find my place in the world or to try and make friends.

The name calling started not long after the year started called ugly, told that I was flatter than the brick wall while all the boys laughed and teased me, told that I was a loser and threatened to be bashed was a daily occurrence.

That birthday I got a ADIDAS jacket my first name brand item of clothing I was so excited but a week after having it it was stolen and one of the other girls started wearing it and when I said something about it she lied and said she had been given it by her parents and even the teachers believed her thats when I learnt not to wear anything nice to school.

 Until year 9 things happened like this until I got placed with a new set of people who were much worse than the last lot.
I finally was able to do textiles in year 9 and I was really good at sewing and crafts and looked forward to finally having a class that would bring me some fun and enjoyment boy was I wrong.
One of the girls came at me one class with her container of pins trying to stab my eyes out yelling at me telling me that she was going to pluck them out from my head I was terrified and so were my parents so a meeting was arranged with the principals and all they said was we will arrange a mediation meeting between the girls and when they had this girl in the room with me she denied everything and said that I had made it all up so nothing was done about it and I was left to deal with the wrath of this girl in the school ground. 
Not only did she torment me but the whole crowd of popular people did until I was at the point of suicide the only thing that stopped me from going through with it was the love of my family and a youth group leader who I see as my big sister rather than a leader.

This went on until the day I left school that last day of school was the best day for me it may have signalled the start of adulthood which meant I had to start living life and taking on new responsibilities but anything was  better than having to deal with life in school with these people.

I do have to say in the later years of school a made a few friends who really did help me get through the day and even stood up for me at times and I am so thankful to those people.
To my dear friend who used to cut visual communication with me just so we could have hot chocolates I thank you this gave me something to look forward to in the week filled with terror.

Like I said before I have not had the worst school experience I know people that have had a lot worse but I wanted to show any of my Dolls out there if they are struggling with bullying or school life in general look to the light at the end of the tunnel I know that it looks grim right now but in a few years you will be free from these people that you will never see again and I'll let you into a little secret these kinds of people get no where in life they are the ones left filling gas or making burgers for the rest of their lives but you will do great things. Don't let people douse that flame that is burning in you that brings light to the world around you. I let people extinguish mine and I stopped smiling and stopped being happy and fell into a deep depression and even ended up at the point of anorexia. Don't let people have that amount of control over you and your emotions they really are not worth your tears, your pain or your life.

There is someone out there that is waiting to be your friend and the love of your life keep that in mind when you are feeling alone, these people mean nothing.

If you are struggling with any form of bullying feel free to message me or even talk to a counsellor or a school chaplain or even a family member. There is always some one here to listen to you.
I know that bullying doesn't only happen in the school ground I have had it in the work place as well as online there is way too much hatred in this world I wish everyone could see how better life is with love.

My personal email is if you ever need to talk feel free to message me.

I hope you are all having a great day filled with love, light and joy! 

Take Care Dolls and Love!

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